Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Long awaited bad news, or The Destructive Alien Pests Are Here, Part MCMXLIV

Wisconsin has received it's long-awaited bad news: the emerald ash borer is here.

We knew it would happen. We knew it had probably already happened. It was just a matter of time, and a confirmed siting.

But all will be well. Steven Spielberg has a new action movie coming out in which Tom Cruise rids North America of emerald ash borers, gypsy moths, purple loosestrife, garlic mustard, buckthorn, japanese beetles, and those cute little nutrias. All without the use of pesticides, herbicides, or soil-disruptive techniques, but with lots of lasers, complicated mathematical formulas, visually appealing but environmentally benign explosions, and strange plot twists.

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